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Mini Musings #2

How are you feeling today?

I haven’t experienced any panic or anxiety about the pandemic but instead find that I am channeling more anger and frustration. Particularly around some folk’s sense of “entitlement” and “I’m OK Jack” mindset. It’s not OK and that’s where I find my energy is being directed, and vocally too!

Despite the strict social distancing measures placed upon the country to help us all, to save lives and to protect the vulnerable, some people are still flouting the measures. It is impossible to call it willful ignorance, no-one can avoid the daily drenching of information and breaking news, even if it is only a trickle! It’s pure and utter willful fucking selfishness.

I have been in a particular supermarket recently and both times I went in, I had to tell different members of staff to back the fuck off out of my personal space. Why is it so difficult?

My husband works in a frontline industry and a few of his colleagues there are also showing difficulties in understanding the concept of 2m distance and working independently. It actually gives me the rage.

As I mentioned, my go-to emotion surrounding the whole pandemic has been frustration and anger (generally around other people’s selfish behaviours) rather than anxiety about the state of affairs and I’ve been thinking about why. The conclusion I’ve come to is that I’m angry with myself. I didn’t take the initial threats seriously when the virus was spreading through China and even glibbly commented “calm down, you’re more likely to get cancer than corona”. Oh how that bit me on the arse! I was the first of my group of friends to take the virus! More people are still dying from cancer and poverty ever day than from covid-19, however, the reality is that even more people will now do so as resources are stretched to the limit dealing with the aforementioned cancers and all other illnesses with covid-19 now piling on top and its all a matter of priority.

I’m frustrated because this “thing” is outwith our control, outwith my control. I’m frustrated and annoyed with initial government inaction, frustrated and angry that we don’t have the resources to properly equip our medical people, frustrated and thoroughly pissed off at all the Tory voters who have continued to vote for governance that has sold and scaled back the NHS to the point of breaking had the audacity to stand and clap for the NHS workers the other evening.

But I also know that sitting stewing in my own juices helps no-one, myself included! So instead I’m focussing on what I can control and what I can do; keep my own family safe and well, calling my parents daily to chat and my son video calls his friends and cousins to stay intouch, I take my daily walk, observing the distancing measures if others are approaching, and keep the wee bottle of hand sanitiser in my bag at all times.

Minding my own business when the neighbour invites the other neighbour’s kid over to play is a challenge though I have to admit. I did rather than lose my shit, ranting about it in our kitchen when that actually happened, resulting in my kid suggesting I need anger management classes – oops!

I am not the police and won’t police my community but I do reserve the right to call out those behaving irresponsibly or like entitled twats, even if it is just to myself!

With love and blessings

Lissa xx

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